Recipe for Self-Compassion Want to feel love, joy and peace? Acknowledge your pain and suffering and cultivate self-warmth, self-care and an empowering attitude. Ingredients:½ Cup - Gratitude 1 Cup - Self-Kindness 1 Cup -Connection 1 Cup -Mindfulness Directions:Measure 1 cup of self-kindness. Mix in 1 cup of mindfulness to be open. Observe your feelings and thoughts without judgement. Sift in 1 generous cup connection of your loved ones and journaling to remind that you are not alone! Top off the recipe with a touch of gratitude. Let rise until you are bubbling with love and joy. Serve generous portions to your hungry guests; chronic pain, failure or suffering until they feel full of love, joy and peace! © Sudesh Kannan 2019 www.meditation-magic.com ============================================================== Do you want to transform your relationship with yourself and others around you? Cultivate self-compassion as that generates good self worth – a key component of good relationships! Be sure to check out the quiz link below. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture (Educational Psychology Department) at University of Texas at Austin, has written a very easy-to-understand tome on Self-Compassion. She shows that developing self-compassion is a healthier way of improving our relation to ourselves as compared to self esteem. Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves. Low self-esteem often correlates with depression and lack of motivation. On the other hand, high self-esteem may result in narcissistic or self-absorbed behavior. In contrast, self-compassion is based on acknowledging our challenges and problems with kindness and objectivity. We don’t judge ourselves but accept ourselves. Practicing self esteem helps maintain a better emotional balance, it leads to less depression, more optimism and more life satisfaction. Kristen Neff indicates that there are three components of self-compassion. Self Kindness – As opposed to self-judgement, self-kindness refers to the act of being kind to ourselves and our suffering. Very often we beat ourselves instead of being and warm and supportive during our tough times. Humanity – as opposed to a sense of isolation. We often have to understand that imperfection is part of human experience. We are not alone in our suffering. While we may feel isolated, we have to realize that other people go through hard times too. Mindfulness – as opposed to over-identification with the current challenge. It is easy for us to over-react or suppress negative feelings or emotions. Part of mindfulness to embrace the pain and suffering we are going through. Check below to see how you can measure and evaluate your level of compassion. In the relationship seminar, we will discuss various ways of increasing your self compassion through meditation, mindful activities such as journaling and role-playing. Check out my blog article Embrace Your Inner “Room-mate” for Creativity and Love on ways you can address your inner critical voice. Reference
Here is a typical report on self-compassion - These scales are 1 to 5 with 2.5 being the average. The first three show components of your self-compassion (Self Kindness, Common Humanity and Mindfulness Self-Kindness: 2.20 Self-kindness - being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism Opposing component - Self-Judgment: 2.60 Common Humanity: 3.00 Common Humanity - recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience - something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone. Opposing component - Isolation: 2.75 (Reverse score of Common Humanity) Mindfulness: 3.25 Mindfulness - a non-judgmental, open state of mind in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them Opposing component - Over-Identification: 2.75 (Reverse score of Mindfulness) Overall score: 3.06
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"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome." - Samuel Johnson One of my friends sent me this lovely quote. It reminded me of the many risks and obstacles we face in life. We often are paralyzed to take the actions to make our lives more fulfilling, energized and joyful. Many of us are scared about the future and the word “change”. If we want to reduce the impact of negative stress in our lives, we have to be aware of how much we tend to take things personally that actually are not personal. We rush through life, meeting deadlines and missing out the fun aspects of our life, our loving relationships and the beauty around us. We literally shape our brain to run in this treadmill of more stress, anxiety and unhappiness. Our brain is plastic – that means both the function and its structure can be changed quickly and permanently to become positive and joyful. Even a simple act of spending a few minutes with our loved ones, indulging in our favorite art activity or thinking of our last vacation has the ability to energize and relax us. We often wallow in self-pity and self-doubt and don’t fully realize our strengths and our inner resilient nature - having the capacity to bounce back when things go wrong, and ability to enjoy life even when we have pain, stress and challenges. Science has shown us that these practices can shape our brain and enhance our well-being. Make time for these three important activities on a daily and weekly basis. These practices are as important as healthy eating and hydration in managing stress and building your resilience over time!
Combine these activities. Go to a meditation or yoga class with your best friend. Walking meditation in a local garden or labyrinth may be a beautiful break from your daily stress. Help out with a local 5k race. Most important – don’t just read this article. Share it with a friend or family member and spend time with them! Take Action! Now! My friend Vicki created the beautiful CORE graphic for us! The acronym CORE serves as a reminder of the components of Resilience: C – 5 Cs - Compassion, Courage, Collaboration, Creativity and Critical Thinking O – Optimism and Hope R – Resilience E - Energy - healthy eating, meditation and physical activity References R J Davidson, B S McEwen, Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being Nat Neurosci. Apr 15, 2012; 15(5): 689–695.doi: 10.1038/nn.3093 Steve Paulson, Richard Davidson, Amishi Jha and Jon Kabat-Zinn Becoming conscious: the science of mindfulness, doi: 10.1111/nyas.12203 Ann. N.Y. Acad. Sci. 1303 (2013) 87–104
—John Wooden, one of the most successful coaches in the history of college basketball” Each week, you mark the calendar at least 5 times a week, give yourself a reward. Examples of non-food rewards – get a hug from your loved one, indulge in FB time, and watch a funny video, read a novel . . . Be aware of the positive changes (however small) in your life as a result of this regular practice – calmer, happier and less stressed and acknowledge your efforts! If you try other contemplative practices such as walking meditation, bible study, yoga or Tai Chi, mark the calendar! Research shows that you are more likely to get a powerful positive habit in your life when you do it consistently and, in small steps rather than large chunks infrequently! May I be happy and peaceful May I be free from fear and suffering May I live with love and compassion May I fully awaken and be free (You can repeat the phrases above with a blessing to people around you – May you be happy and peaceful...) Reference Maurer, Robert (2004): One small step can change your life : the kazen way, Workman
Acknowledge – Often times, we do not take time to contemplate the entire event or death. I am a big believer of writing. Just writing 15 min a day for 3 days – writing in detail about your emotional pain and loss – is advocated by researcher James Pennebaker. Look at the loss and its impact on your life. There are often feelings of guilt and shame associated with the loss. Examine your perspective and the role of your loved ones. Acknowledge your feelings, emotions and thoughts. Consider writing a poem, an essay or creating a piece of art. Meaning – explore the death, demise or breakup and understand the meaning. What went wrong, what is there to treasure, what will you miss. Meaning may change over time but take time to explore what this loss means to you right now. How has this loss or event impacted you and has defined you in the past and can guide you in the future. What lessons have you learned? Serve and Honor – Many people donate money to their favorite causes. I urge you to volunteer and work in honor of the person or loss. Working in a local soup kitchen or animal shelter, participating in a charity walk, run or bike ride or helping people in distress are powerful ways to find an outlet for your memories. Tribute to Miss Elizabeth Krause Last year, I started this article to help friends of mine who have lost pets and wanted to understand how mindfulness can be used to cope with their loss. The article languished till I recently lost my friend Miss Elizabeth Krause rather suddenly to Ovarian Cancer. I have known her for 24+ years and it was hard to come in terms with her demise. I am attaching a 8 minute tribute video “5 lessons I learned from Ironman Elizabeth Krause”. The creation of this video helped me grieve for my friend. I hope you will be inspired by her message. Professional Help and Support from Your Loved Ones Grieving is a very personal and individual experience. Some people feel better in weeks and months but for some people it may take years. Please consider the services of a professional and reach out for support from your loved ones. Communication is a very important process. You are rarely alone; many people want to help you. Make sure you ask for help and accept the support that is meaningful to you. Grieving for Pets Often my students wonder about grieving for pets. While pet lovers can empathize with the broken heart, most others brush away these feelings of sorrow . . . it is just an animal, you can get another. Most pet lovers will tell you it is never that simple. Most pets give you unconditional love. Loss of this unconditional love affects us in many ways. Take time to follow the three practices outline for your pets also. Great Resources http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-death-of-pet-can-hurt-as-much-as-the-loss-of-a-relative/2012/02/21/gIQALXTXcS_story.html http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/resources/tips/coping_with_pet_death.html James W. Pennebaker (2004) Writing to Heal: A Guided Journal for Recovering from Trauma & Emotional Upheaval Center for Journal Therapy Inc. 178 pp Sameet M Kumar (2005) Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss, New Harbinger Publications, 176 pp Five Lessons Ironman Athlete Elizabeth Krause taught me! (Youtube Link)
In 2007, a friend shared a copy of Dr Fehmi’s book "The Open-Focus Brain: Harnessing the Power of Attention to Heal Mind and Body". The book transformed my personal life and the way I teach people to embrace stress and find joy and happiness on a daily basis. Dr Fehmi has a revolutionary approach Open Focus™ that utilizes the knowledge of how pain actually resides in our brain. We can use his drug-free techniques to reduce a variety of physical pain such as muscular pain, headaches and emotional pain from trauma and grief. Based on more than 40 years of scientific research on brainwave biofeedback (neurofeedback), Dr Fehmi and his team will show you creative ways to understand your mind and brain and practice simple attention exercises to reduce your daily stress and chronic emotional and physical pains. He will also use brain training equipment to make your practice efficient and effective. Day One-Brain Synchrony Training
Day Two-Multi-Person Synchrony Training
Day Three-Open Focus Attention Training
Check out this link for more details about upcoming workshops The Open Focus™/Brain Synchrony Workshop. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Khalil Gibran |
a guided finger meditationEngage your senses with soothing music, guided imagery and a labyrinth tracing activity which leverages the power of touch. Click the album cover to learn more. Categories
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