New Year Resolutions – A “Shameless” Perspective

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

― Brené Brown

Sometimes, my students talk about shame in their lives; lack of power that comes from who they “should” be. They have strong feelings about what they “should” do or how they “should” live their lives. Part of their frustrations, fear and lack of connections appear to emerge from these rules.  They are surprised when I tell them shame is a very common but rarely talked about emotion.

Brené Brown, a Professor at University of Houston defines shame as ‘the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging’

‘For women, shame is a web of unattainable expectations that say, Do it all, Do it perfectly, and Never let them see you struggle.

For men, the primary shame mandate is, Do not be perceived as weak.

I hope, as you look at New Year Resolutions, you will consider these definitions and look at yourself from a more courageous perspective. I hope you will look at yourselves as worthy individuals in the quest for transforming yourself. Look at yourself with more compassion rather than in judgment. Once you are willing you to do that, you will find yourself being more objective and compassionate about others in your life.  You will be amazed at the connection you are able to make. You will be amazed at the creativity and innovativeness of your inner self.

Here are some tips to transform yourself as you set your New Year Resolutions

1. Set goals -30-60 and 90 day goals. Review these goals regularly and remind yourself it is the “journey” that is making you stronger. Failures and setbacks are par for the course.
2. Immerse yourself in daily activities.  Find books, DVDs and friends who have achieved these goals. Even 15 minutes a day on your goals with enjoyable activities towards your goal will propel you towards your goals.
3. Pay attention to “self talk” – use a journal or talk to your best friend for support

You are probably reading this article because you know the benefits of meditation and mindfulness. Regular meditation has shown to help you become calmer, happier and more resilient.  Make sure you practice your daily routine of meditation/mindfulness as part of your transformation.

Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. Check out this link.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Books

I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough" Paperback by Brene Brown (Author)

http://www.amazon.com/Thought-Was-Just-but-isnt/dp/1592403352/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1387978262&sr=1-4