Video of Origami in Motion - Schaumburg Public Library - Summer 2019 This was poetry for me - understanding our ability that we can go from suffering to a state of joy! “There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.” ― Tara Brach Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself - Mahatma Gandhi We all have one thing that makes us suffer – a person we dislike at work, a health problem, financial issues . . . It seems very hard to let go of that one issue. We fritter away other opportunities to live life fully. The technical word for this behavior is “ruminate”. Negative ruminative thinking refers to our repeated thoughts about threatening or unpleasant such as upcoming exams and stressful events in the past or our future. The research is extremely consistent. People who ruminate are much more likely to develop problems with depression and anxiety, and those problems are hard to overcome for someone who fails to change ruminative thought patterns Over the past few months, I have chosen to spend my Saturdays away from Facebook and my laptop (Gasp!). I realize more that, our human brain was designed for handling conflict, solve problems and collaborate with others – often giving us a choice over the fight or flee part of the brain. I spend time pondering on a handful of powerful questions as I do my daily routines of laundry, weekly errands and action plan for the coming week – I call it - “Reflection with focus and awareness” I take time to reflect on my worries, anxieties and failures and accept them. As a result, I am more easily able to tap feelings love, joy and peace by letting go sadness, frustration or anxiety. Are you curious about the questions I ask myself? Set a 5- or 15-minute timer and start writing. Don’t edit it or redraft it – just let your thoughts and feelings flow. An alternate plan is to share your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend who is a good listener. Some of my friends do share their reflections with their pet dog! <3 1. What do you most want to change about your life? 2. How have you tried to change this before? 3. What have you attempted in the past that didn't work? 4. Why do you think it didn't work? 5. On a scale of 0-10, how important is it for you to achieve change? That’s it! Just writing answers to these questions often gives me insights. Later in the day, I follow this with another 10-15 minutes of action plans. I have a “solution-based” approach that minimizes anxiety and promotes acceptance and creativity. Want to know more about that approach? Send me your scribbles, thoughts and reflections and I will send you a summary of the tools I use. Did you like this exercise? Check out the story of Guan Shi Ying, the Goddess of Compassion and Mercy. All of us are interconnected and the more we do to reduce the sufferings of others, the less we suffer.
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Recipe for Self-Compassion Want to feel love, joy and peace? Acknowledge your pain and suffering and cultivate self-warmth, self-care and an empowering attitude. Ingredients:½ Cup - Gratitude 1 Cup - Self-Kindness 1 Cup -Connection 1 Cup -Mindfulness Directions:Measure 1 cup of self-kindness. Mix in 1 cup of mindfulness to be open. Observe your feelings and thoughts without judgement. Sift in 1 generous cup connection of your loved ones and journaling to remind that you are not alone! Top off the recipe with a touch of gratitude. Let rise until you are bubbling with love and joy. Serve generous portions to your hungry guests; chronic pain, failure or suffering until they feel full of love, joy and peace! © Sudesh Kannan 2019 www.meditation-magic.com ============================================================== Do you want to transform your relationship with yourself and others around you? Cultivate self-compassion as that generates good self worth – a key component of good relationships! Be sure to check out the quiz link below. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor in Human Development and Culture (Educational Psychology Department) at University of Texas at Austin, has written a very easy-to-understand tome on Self-Compassion. She shows that developing self-compassion is a healthier way of improving our relation to ourselves as compared to self esteem. Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves. Low self-esteem often correlates with depression and lack of motivation. On the other hand, high self-esteem may result in narcissistic or self-absorbed behavior. In contrast, self-compassion is based on acknowledging our challenges and problems with kindness and objectivity. We don’t judge ourselves but accept ourselves. Practicing self esteem helps maintain a better emotional balance, it leads to less depression, more optimism and more life satisfaction. Kristen Neff indicates that there are three components of self-compassion. Self Kindness – As opposed to self-judgement, self-kindness refers to the act of being kind to ourselves and our suffering. Very often we beat ourselves instead of being and warm and supportive during our tough times. Humanity – as opposed to a sense of isolation. We often have to understand that imperfection is part of human experience. We are not alone in our suffering. While we may feel isolated, we have to realize that other people go through hard times too. Mindfulness – as opposed to over-identification with the current challenge. It is easy for us to over-react or suppress negative feelings or emotions. Part of mindfulness to embrace the pain and suffering we are going through. Check below to see how you can measure and evaluate your level of compassion. In the relationship seminar, we will discuss various ways of increasing your self compassion through meditation, mindful activities such as journaling and role-playing. Check out my blog article Embrace Your Inner “Room-mate” for Creativity and Love on ways you can address your inner critical voice. Reference
Here is a typical report on self-compassion - These scales are 1 to 5 with 2.5 being the average. The first three show components of your self-compassion (Self Kindness, Common Humanity and Mindfulness Self-Kindness: 2.20 Self-kindness - being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism Opposing component - Self-Judgment: 2.60 Common Humanity: 3.00 Common Humanity - recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience - something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to “me” alone. Opposing component - Isolation: 2.75 (Reverse score of Common Humanity) Mindfulness: 3.25 Mindfulness - a non-judgmental, open state of mind in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them Opposing component - Over-Identification: 2.75 (Reverse score of Mindfulness) Overall score: 3.06 "Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome." - Samuel Johnson One of my friends sent me this lovely quote. It reminded me of the many risks and obstacles we face in life. We often are paralyzed to take the actions to make our lives more fulfilling, energized and joyful. Many of us are scared about the future and the word “change”. If we want to reduce the impact of negative stress in our lives, we have to be aware of how much we tend to take things personally that actually are not personal. We rush through life, meeting deadlines and missing out the fun aspects of our life, our loving relationships and the beauty around us. We literally shape our brain to run in this treadmill of more stress, anxiety and unhappiness. Our brain is plastic – that means both the function and its structure can be changed quickly and permanently to become positive and joyful. Even a simple act of spending a few minutes with our loved ones, indulging in our favorite art activity or thinking of our last vacation has the ability to energize and relax us. We often wallow in self-pity and self-doubt and don’t fully realize our strengths and our inner resilient nature - having the capacity to bounce back when things go wrong, and ability to enjoy life even when we have pain, stress and challenges. Science has shown us that these practices can shape our brain and enhance our well-being. Make time for these three important activities on a daily and weekly basis. These practices are as important as healthy eating and hydration in managing stress and building your resilience over time!
Combine these activities. Go to a meditation or yoga class with your best friend. Walking meditation in a local garden or labyrinth may be a beautiful break from your daily stress. Help out with a local 5k race. Most important – don’t just read this article. Share it with a friend or family member and spend time with them! Take Action! Now! My friend Vicki created the beautiful CORE graphic for us! The acronym CORE serves as a reminder of the components of Resilience: C – 5 Cs - Compassion, Courage, Collaboration, Creativity and Critical Thinking O – Optimism and Hope R – Resilience E - Energy - healthy eating, meditation and physical activity References R J Davidson, B S McEwen, Social influences on neuroplasticity: Stress and interventions to promote well-being Nat Neurosci. Apr 15, 2012; 15(5): 689–695.doi: 10.1038/nn.3093 Steve Paulson, Richard Davidson, Amishi Jha and Jon Kabat-Zinn Becoming conscious: the science of mindfulness, doi: 10.1111/nyas.12203 Ann. N.Y. Acad. Sci. 1303 (2013) 87–104
—John Wooden, one of the most successful coaches in the history of college basketball” Each week, you mark the calendar at least 5 times a week, give yourself a reward. Examples of non-food rewards – get a hug from your loved one, indulge in FB time, and watch a funny video, read a novel . . . Be aware of the positive changes (however small) in your life as a result of this regular practice – calmer, happier and less stressed and acknowledge your efforts! If you try other contemplative practices such as walking meditation, bible study, yoga or Tai Chi, mark the calendar! Research shows that you are more likely to get a powerful positive habit in your life when you do it consistently and, in small steps rather than large chunks infrequently! May I be happy and peaceful May I be free from fear and suffering May I live with love and compassion May I fully awaken and be free (You can repeat the phrases above with a blessing to people around you – May you be happy and peaceful...) Reference Maurer, Robert (2004): One small step can change your life : the kazen way, Workman . . , and what is the one thing you CAN do!
We think that our kids lead carefree lives, unfortunately, many parents and care givers are unaware of the anxieties, stresses and pressures. Data from 2010 APA's Stress in America survey show that there is a disconnect between what children say they are worrying about and what their parents think is stressing them, a gap that could have long-term implications for children's mental and physical health. Children age 8 to 17 say they worry about doing well in school, getting into good colleges and their family's finances. They also report suffering headaches, sleeplessness and upset stomachs. In that study, more than one in three children reported experiencing headaches in the past month, but only 13 percent of parents thought that their children experienced headaches as a result of stress. In addition, while 44 percent of children reported sleeping difficulties, only 13 percent of parents think their kids had trouble sleeping. About 30 percent of children worried about their families' financial difficulties, but just 18 percent of parents thought that was a source of worry for their children. Like us, our children can get mad, sad, irritated, embarrassed, anxious, jealous, or even disappointed with themselves. And when we’re really upset, it’s hard to make good decisions and feel our best. Chronic and uncontrolled stress in children can lead to
Good News! Our Children Can Learn to Thrive! We do NOT have to raise our children in a protective cocoons. Stress can be positive when we feel stimulated and able to manage the situation and it can provide us energy to handle emergencies, meet challenges, and excel. We can help our children to leverage the stresses in their lives to focus on key priorities, help build relationships and grow to be compassionate, optimistic and resilient people. There is a fine balance between protecting our children and encouraging independence! “When confronted with the fallout of childhood trauma, why do some children adapt and overcome, while others bear lifelong scars that flatten their potential? A growing body of evidence points to one common answer: Every child who winds up doing well has had at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult.” (Shonkoff J 2015) This person could be the parent, teacher, uncle, aunt, grand parent or a teacher. Our children can learn quickly to be:
What is one thing you CAN do for your children! We can teach our children to be calm and peaceful when they need to be! Through simple and daily mindful activities, we CAN learn to cope and thrive through our challenges, be confident, be focused, stay calm, and tap into our own inner strengths—no matter what life throws our way! Easy ways for you and your children to relax in five minutes or less!
Most scientific studies have limited samples and key focus research areas. I choose to follow work in the field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive. The field is founded on the belief that people want to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within themselves, and to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play. This is a new and emerging field. Can people be narcissistic, manipulative and selfish and still thrive and succeed? Yes! We all have dark sides we need to be aware of and use at appropriate times and situations but that is a topic for another day. References and Resources FREE Balloon Meditation http://www.meditation-magic.com/blog/let-go-your-stress-in-5-minutes-or-less-the-balloon-meditation FREE Blessing aka Loving Kindness Meditation http://www.meditation-magic.com/blog/key-to-happiness-cultivate-our-capacity-for-kindness C Munsey “ APA Survey Raises Concern About Parent Perceptions of Children’s Stress (2009), Stress in America online Survey (2009) Harris Interactive on behalf of the American Psychological Association http://www2.apa.org/monitor/2010/01/stress-kids.aspx Shonkoff, J. P et al - National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2015). Young Children Develop in an Environment of Relationships: Working Paper No. 13. Retrieved from http://46y5eh11fhgw3ve3ytpwxt9r.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/The-Science-of-Resilience2.pdf Shonkoff, J. P., Garner, A. S., Siegel, B. S., Dobbins, M. I., Earls, M. F., McGuinn, L., ... & Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption, and Dependent Care. (2012). The lifelong effects of early childhood adversity and toxic stress. Pediatrics, 129(1), e232-e246. Benard, B. (1995). Fostering Resilience in Children. ERIC Digest. Brunwasser, S.M., Gillham, J.E. & Kim, E.S., (2009). A Meta-Analytic Review of the Penn Resiliency Program's Effect on Depressive Symptoms. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 77(6), 1042-1054.https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/research/resilience-children S Kaiser Greenland (2016) Mindful Games: Sharing Mindfulness and Meditation with Children, Teens, and Families L Morelli and J E. Morris (2015) The Lemonade Hurricane: A Story of Mindfulness and Meditation |
a guided finger meditationEngage your senses with soothing music, guided imagery and a labyrinth tracing activity which leverages the power of touch. Click the album cover to learn more. Categories
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